I’m different now. Yet better.

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person (Updated)

Last year, when I read this… I had the eyeroll approach to viewing it. I felt that my mental illnesses made it so that I couldn’t *be* a closer – no matter what I tried.

This year, I read the article a second time and I’m inspired.

I am totally seeing the difference. Last year I was a good person. This year I am a good person who actively helps out others.

Last year I was going to lose weight. This year I *did* lose weight because I became active and tried.

Before I was suffering through my shit. This year I learned that I can overcome my shit and use it to motovate myself and others

So yeah. I’m a different version of me then I was this time last year.

And that? Feels fucking amazing.

Xxoo
Robyn

Gamer Trap

Guys..

I’m in the number one trap gamers become prey to…

I started playing a new game about… well… right after I said I was going to blog.

I have not been able to focus on, or do anything else since I started. And its not my usual trap of online multiplayer FPS. It is a RPG.

I am playing Dragon Age: Orgins for the first time. I cannot put it down. Being I am a single player content devourer… I am in heaven.

My biggest accomplishment in the hours and hours that I have been playing?

I managed to get the other Grey Warden, a Templar named Alistair – to fall in love with my Dwarf Rogue, Buttercup.

When they finally admitted their love and spent the night together… it was so romantic. The cutscenes gave just enough of a hint, the music was perfect… I actually got giddy.

I still get a stupid smile on my face when I think about their love affair.

And that my friends? Is the mark of a truely great gaming experience.

Alas, it is time to bid you adieu.

My Templar romance is a calling… and I am a slave to the game, who am I to resist?

See you all on the other side (or when I can drag myself up for air…)

Xxoo
Robyn

Monday: An update

Hey everyone!

I know I said id get right back on the blogging – but there’s been complications/issues with my leg – so I’ve been dealing with that.

So I thought I’d share this wonderful list about games in 2013 🙂

http://www.gamespot.com/game-of-the-year-2013/#goty

“… there is nothing, nothing, nothing worth letting your soul die in the dark for.”

Read. This.

This.

No matter what you do/don’t believe – this one sentence …

“Take the risk, do not look back, do not worry about the cost or what you might lose because there is nothing, nothing, nothing worth letting your soul die in the dark for.”

– Morpheus Ravenna, bansheearts.com

This.

It’s been over a year since I left my own abusive and unhealthy relationship. In March it will be a year since I uprooted my entire life, knowing the cost – yet continuing. 

I hope to never again get lost in this dark, and I hope you never have to experience it.

Robyn

I’m back with a BANG! (Or at least a small knock)

Hey everyone! I plan on getting right back on schedule starting tomorrow – but for now…

My dad posted this on Facebook- and I watched… went about my business… watched again.

It has validity in a world where a lot of what I read/see/hear is only as valid as the current Wikipedia update.

YET. Yet…

Being some with social anxiety, I find that I am having way more meaningful interactions with people, through the safety of the screen – then I might have otherwise.

The ability to monitor and edit what I say, to check my spelling obsessively, to only portray those points and thoughts in my head that come across the way I would have wanted them to – had I said them aloud… is extremely important to me. I say things that I mean, I express my beliefs, I am willing to be ME, candidly (sorta) without having people watching me.

It is part of what makes my brand of social anxiety – the kind that falls under the spectrum, but lets face it, is unique to me – so easy to shed when I am behind the safety of my four walls.

In high school – I joked. I knew I was different and quirky and tried (mostly failed) to fit in. I tried to hide my ineptitude behind the books, the few close friends, and my air of “pfft. I don’t give two shits”. All of which was a lie.

I cared. More then I probably should have back then. But I cared. I scrutinized every. single. thing.  What someone said, or didn’t say. The parties I didn’t get invited to. The friendships that seemed to so easily come to everyone else. It caused me to miss out on probably quite a few opportunities, because in my socially anxious mind… it was never simple.

I personally suffer from a (few) handfuls of mental illness issues. The majority of them resulting in me being more comfortable behind my computer screen. But if I didn’t have the ease of social media? I would truly be lonely. I would be alone – without the option of the friends I have made through social media. Does the fact that the majority of the people I know don’t live anywhere close to me, bug me? Sometimes. But the fact remains… I would be way more lonely if I didn’t have them.

Video again:

 

Surgery. Ugh.

So. April I broke my leg. I had much surgery, screws, plates, pain… physical rehab facility. … and constant pain/swelling/limited mobility since.

They did a ct scan, and discovered what looked like a hole in the bone around one of the screws. So they decided to take a peek.

(Luckily I was able to get my Ontario/Montreal trip in first!)

Anyways, yesterday was the day.

They removed all the hardware, did a scope of my ankle joint, something else, another something else….

Yeah – I don’t really remember much when I’m barely awake after surgery.  I mean…by this time I’m usually well into the shakes.

But! Before the surgery she said she was going to do thw hardware removal, the scope, and a possible culture of the bone infection, with possibly a graft. So maybe that’s what she did?

I see her again on the 23rd. This time I am allowed to walk, pretty much right away as pain allows.

Yesterday I was fine.  All that local anaesthetic,  plus the other surgery drugs. I bled through the dressing overnight though so I had to hit the walk in clinic this morning.

Today? After the dressing change… oh my god. I just can’t catch a break. Totally different pain then last time. Better even?… but nothing seems to be touching it. And its a burny kind of pain.

Oh. And this is the third time I have been refused narcotic pain medication. Theu don’t even offer it.  Why? I don’t know. But my suspicion?  After talking with others who have the same surgery, surgeon, outcome.. is my mental illnesses.*** That is the only difference. I have documented,  long standing, mental illness. That… is why I feel I am told to take xtra strength Tylenol when the 15 t3’s they have prescribed run out. And the guy next to me? Gets tramocet and hydromorph.  With a refil. No.. there is no stigma/judgement there… none at all. (Fucker didn’t even have hardware removed. Just a scope)***

***is probably a hot headed, pain induced,  assumption. Also…for all I know… the guy next to me, and our conversation happened when I was under. So not at all. Or maybe it did..those first three hours suck.****

I will include some pictures of my battle wounds, after the “more” . Warning. May be squicky.  I may  also just make a segment of weekly updates to the leg-log. Yeah… I’ll do that…

Don’t worry! I’m going to get writing again asap!

Hey guys!

I know I haven’t written in over a week. I swear there are good reasons! Well.. one  reason actually.  It’s called life 🙂

I have so much to write about! From leaving here by myself, to family, to seeing my love Katt, and her family, Montreal (including my almost-didn’t-happen visit to the Ubisoft building), and back again.

Add in the cold weather (which apparently the plate in my leg has an issue with), preparation for surgery, and then the actual surgery coming up Tuesday? I’ve been all sorts of busy. 🙂

But I haven’t forgotten about any of you.

In fact,  maybe you guys should visit each other until I get back!

1001-Up.com
Adventures of a Girl Gamer
Beer and Joysticks
Fangirl Magazine
Princess Burlap
Fangirlish
Robot Hugs
My dear friend at Whimsical Adventures of the Reverend Doctor
And of course: Jenny Lawson a.k.a The Bloggess

Please feel free to sample this small collection of thw blogs I follow,  at no charge.

Xxoo
Robyn

Tuesday: Life Review

Hey everyone!

I am still on my trip and I am so SOOO grateful that you guys are willing to support me, and wait around for me to get back into the swing of things.

So far…

I got to Ontario on Wednesday last week. I managed to go to bed early,

Thursday, I spent the day with Daddy. We watched some tv, had a couple naps… you know.. quality time 😀

Friday I spent at the mall. I spent quite a few hours walking around. Luckily I had my air cast on, otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to walk at ALL. I ended up buying some awesome leggings at Addition Elle. They make me feel sexy. I also found that I can fit in the plus clothes at Forever 21. I would have *never* thought I could do that. Ever. It makes me feel so much better about my weight loss (and recent 10 lb weight gain. Water weight/bloating sucks monkey balls). (Pictures of clothes I either bought or tried on and liked will be on the page where I am posting the photos from the trip. Assuming that page ever uploads from the WordPress app. I seem to be having a few issues with that recently)

Saturday – we had a family Euchre tournament. I had never played before, but I was able to learn some and sit in for my dad during a couple of rounds of play. He did have to help me a lot 🙂

Euchre is a huge thing with my family. They have always had tournaments, and played pretty regularly. I am glad that I can now take part in this part of the family social/interactions. It makes me so happy to be able to share these family activities. I live, and always have lived, far away from the group. And we are a BIG group. (I think there are like.. hmm… now I have to count. c(m),w(p),d(u),b(k),r(p),t(l). v(j),g(c),d(n),f(c),k,a(d),j,t,j,j,c(l),me, – then the cousin’s babies: g,x,c,c,k. And that is just my dad’s family. So that is… 25. Not including other people (second cousins, dad’s aunts, etc). Oh! make that 28! I have step siblings.. so… actually 30 😀 )

Not everyone was there (of course) but there is still a huge family on my dad’s side.

Sunday was another day spent with my Dad, and step mom.

Monday evening I spent with my Aunt Theresa. We went out for dinner, went to my grandparents plot, and then went shopping. I found a really awesome top that goes great with my leggings 😀

On my mom’s side there are way fewer people… but : t(c),j(d),t then the cousins = t(a),d(d),p(g), s and c occasionally :P. The second gen cousins = a, c, c, s, j

So yeah, I have a big family.

Today is Tuesday – I first went to the spa… got my eyebrows did.  Then? Daddy and I went to go see Thor: The Dark World.(IMDB)

ZOMG! SOOO FREAKING AWESOME! I love my superhero movies. So much so. Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is hotness, though… I kinda have a thing for Loki (Tom Hiddleston)… and Darcy. Such adorable cuteness on that girl.. (Plus the actress? Kat Dennings? One of my absolute favourites)

I still have much to do while I am here. Visiting. Two days left in Hamilton. Friday morning I bus to Ottawa. Super excited for that as well. Going to hit the hill, see the Santa Claus parade, potentially meet up with a fellow lawsbian, and of course – spend time with my love, Katt.

I do go to Montreal in the time between getting to Ottawa and flying back home, so that is just a little extra bonus 😀

Thanks for sticking with me guys!

Xxoo
Robyn

Saturday’s over and Sunday’s funday!

Hey guys!

I’m having sooo much fun on my trip!

Today I’m going to share a few comics/pages/etc of things I’ve enjoyed on the internet this week.

Wednesday Rewind! (Again with the not posting, wordpress app?)

Hey guys!

I’m headed out on my trip!

Since I can’t review a game… I figured I would share my story from my last trip.

Enjoy!

Get to the airport. Have the dog. He is going with me on the plane. I know. I must be crazy. Every one is Gushing over him. He of course is shaking like a leaf. In a tornado. On speed.

So. Get through security and the interaction happens like this :

Security person : Do you need help?

Me: I don’t think so. He only weighs 6 pounds. And my purse is pretty purse like.
Her : I meant with putting your dog in the kennel.

Me: Now?

Her :  Yes

Me: I don’t think so….

I then proceed to sit on the floor,  holding my dog and trying to make him get I  this newfangled soft sided kennel. It went like this….

Me: Time to get in the crate.

Asher : Fuck you.

Me: Common. It’s only for a few hours. Well. Three and a half. Ish. If we are lucky.

Asher : Fuck. You.

Me: The nice lady says you have to.

Asher : Fuck her too then.

Me : Get in the motherfucking bag aol we can gte on the motherfucking plane.

Asher: Yup can’t make me!

Massive struggles ensued.

I finally grabbed all his legs,  flipped him on his back and shoved him in facw first.

Me: HA!  I win asshole!!!!

*glares*

He didn’t make any noise thwarted rest of the waiting period. He only flopped around a bit in his crate as we took off.

Then he let his anal glands release a bit.

Well played doggy. Well played.

And that’s why I can’t travel anywhere.

Xxoo
Robyn