This is Tuesday. Well. Kinda.Wednesday Rewind moves to Thursday.

So, it’s been a rough couple of days chez moi.  Like a huge, bloody battle is going on inside my skull. It makes for some interesting daytime activities.

(I spent about an hour yesterday looking at the patterns in my couch and trying to decide what, if any, type of fish it looks like. Okay. It may have been more then an hour)


(Though orange and plaidish patterned- this couch/hideabed is sooo comfy. Also its where I have been sleeping since my surgery in December. )

But that’s what sometimes happens when your brain has a chemical imbalance.  No matter how on track I am with meds, etc – I have times where I can’t deal. It makes life interesting to say the least.

Lately I have been dealing with symptoms of mania.

Mainly these:
extremely irritable
Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
(Others that you dont need to know)

These are the main issues that are plaguing me right now.

I cant even play a game properly. I get bored/distracted after about 10-15 minutes and jump up to do something else.

I’ve read 5 books in the last 4 days. I’ve baked at 10pm. I’ve cleaned and vacuumed the livingroom, then within minutes it was messy again because I had brought out colouring books/crafts.

My leg doesn’t stop shaking. I barely sleep – and because it has been a few days…. I’m starting to get really irritable. 

There is an upside though. I’m not depressed. Lol.

Anyways- I better go because I’m starving to death, I want to watch Dr.Who and crochet something.

Btw. Did you know llamas do it laying down? True story.


Monday: Game Review.. kinda

Hey everyone!

I had an entire post all written up on my phone. It was all about Battlefield four.

It was a good write up.

Unfortunately- I am a little bit manic right now. This means that in the middle of the last paragraph. .. I put the phone down to do something else.

I closed the program, and for some reason it didn’t save any partial drafts. No idea why.

So. Let me say this as a recap (I’ll fix it tomorrow):

Game is good. Harder then BLOPS2 control wise. Conquest is my favourite multiplayer mode.

There were a lot of issues with launch. Crashing. Freezing.  Corruption of save files. So many bugs that didnt have to be there.

Even with the latest update I am still finding that my saves are getting corrupted after certain maps on multiplayer. So yes, I am done with single player, for now.  There are only so many times I am willing to restart my progress due to a glitch.

Though… why does no one talk?!? I have only managed to find one squad where everyone talked. One. Wtf people. Communication makes the game more fun!

Does anyone have a raptor account? Because I am the only one on my list, so I’m a total bad ass. Elite at everything.

Also? Add me to Xbox. Tell me where you are from (my blog) and we can kill things together!  My gamer tag is: Remittingdust09 look me up!

(Edited for spelling)

It’s Saturday Bitches!

Sup everyone!

It is Saturday! The day when all you normal folk have a weekend. (Every day is like a weekend for me, so I’ve got no complaints here).

There were two things that I was going to talk about/post about. Unfortunately I literally just forgot about one of them.

So anyways… here is a poem I wrote. Probably quite a while ago now. I found it while I was searching for old resumes. There isn’t much to it… but every once in a while… it just… feels right.


the trees were always green
the flowers always bloomed
the children always played

the sun always shone
the table always had food
the magick always stayed

the fridge always had food
the world was always right
the laughter always flowed

But that all ends
nothing stays the same
the joy leaches away

you grow up

(Yes – I know it is kinda depressing. I was depressed when I wrote it okay? Sheesh)



Friday’s are Pimpin’

Hello Everyone!

It’s Friday, Friday. Gotta get down on Friday!

Isn’t that a lovely earworm? If you don’t know what I am talking about, here. You’re welcome. 

Not that I am pimping that song. It just happened to pop into my head, so I decided to share the horror with everyone.

Anyways – Today I want to link to an amazing TED TALK with a lady who invented a video game to help deal with her depression.




“Every Story” – also Depression Lies

Hey everyone!
Life is still a shitshow – and I am doing my best to get back on track!

In the mean time… here is a post… that I found so… it’s good okay?

Every Story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. That is the conundrum of stories, they must end to be fulfilling but the best ones we never want to see end. A bad story makes you wonder why you spent your time on it. A good story makes you happy you read it, but also willing to set the book down and let the story drift into memory. A Great story though, the truly best of all writing, is that which makes you think, makes you wonder, and where the story lingers in your mind because there are still questions, not easy ones, but the hard ones. You go back and you read it again and again, always looking for that next layer, certain that this is the read where you understand it all, where you are in the authors head, and where you know exactly what they wanted you to know. But you never find it, every read through reveals a new layer and new questions. That is the beauty of a great story. But its not for the good or the great ones that I am here tonight.

No tonight I’m here to write about the bad stories, the ones that make you wonder “what was the point of all that.” Recently someone asked what was stopping me from taking the final step over the edge. I told them my sister and that was half the truth, but the reality is that its also the consummate writer in me. You want to write a bad story? You want to make your reader wonder what the point of it all was? Have the hero Die. Not a good death, not a noble sacrifice, not even a tortured and broken and beaten death. No have him fight through hordes of enemies, face every trial with whatever wits and strength of character he can muster. Then when he is on the gates of hell, staring down that final confrontation, the battle between good and evil resting on his shoulders. Have him draw his sword, stare dimly at the fortress he is to assault and draw that blade across his own throat and fall into the mote to be eaten. Your readers will hate you, because the build up, everything he had been through was all for naught. That’s the other half of what holds me here. Most people around me don’t need me, would mourn me perhaps, but only briefly I suspect. They are stronger then I am. But the writer in me, looks at my story up to this point, sees all that’s been written, the beginning and the middle, but knows that the ending will be the true masterpiece, and I need that, I need it to at least be a good story. I’d rather it be great, but I’m not a hero, this world’s magic has faded long ago, and the few things I am good at, aren’t enough to help more then a handful of people.

So here’s to the writer in me I guess. Sick Sadistic Son of a bitch that he is, he is whats going to keep me going, because his damn story can’t be a bad one.

– Andrew Buschert

Don’t leave your readers hanging. Keep fighting and don’t give in.

Remember.  Depression lies.


I’m different now. Yet better.

6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You A Better Person (Updated)

Last year, when I read this… I had the eyeroll approach to viewing it. I felt that my mental illnesses made it so that I couldn’t *be* a closer – no matter what I tried.

This year, I read the article a second time and I’m inspired.

I am totally seeing the difference. Last year I was a good person. This year I am a good person who actively helps out others.

Last year I was going to lose weight. This year I *did* lose weight because I became active and tried.

Before I was suffering through my shit. This year I learned that I can overcome my shit and use it to motovate myself and others

So yeah. I’m a different version of me then I was this time last year.

And that? Feels fucking amazing.


I’m back with a BANG! (Or at least a small knock)

Hey everyone! I plan on getting right back on schedule starting tomorrow – but for now…

My dad posted this on Facebook- and I watched… went about my business… watched again.

It has validity in a world where a lot of what I read/see/hear is only as valid as the current Wikipedia update.

YET. Yet…

Being some with social anxiety, I find that I am having way more meaningful interactions with people, through the safety of the screen – then I might have otherwise.

The ability to monitor and edit what I say, to check my spelling obsessively, to only portray those points and thoughts in my head that come across the way I would have wanted them to – had I said them aloud… is extremely important to me. I say things that I mean, I express my beliefs, I am willing to be ME, candidly (sorta) without having people watching me.

It is part of what makes my brand of social anxiety – the kind that falls under the spectrum, but lets face it, is unique to me – so easy to shed when I am behind the safety of my four walls.

In high school – I joked. I knew I was different and quirky and tried (mostly failed) to fit in. I tried to hide my ineptitude behind the books, the few close friends, and my air of “pfft. I don’t give two shits”. All of which was a lie.

I cared. More then I probably should have back then. But I cared. I scrutinized every. single. thing.  What someone said, or didn’t say. The parties I didn’t get invited to. The friendships that seemed to so easily come to everyone else. It caused me to miss out on probably quite a few opportunities, because in my socially anxious mind… it was never simple.

I personally suffer from a (few) handfuls of mental illness issues. The majority of them resulting in me being more comfortable behind my computer screen. But if I didn’t have the ease of social media? I would truly be lonely. I would be alone – without the option of the friends I have made through social media. Does the fact that the majority of the people I know don’t live anywhere close to me, bug me? Sometimes. But the fact remains… I would be way more lonely if I didn’t have them.

Video again: