Tuesday: Life Review

Hello my friends!

It is Tuesday – which is the day I get to write about anything I want! Yay!

Today I believe I will touch on a tiny bit of my Thanksgiving, and then possibly give a generalized description of my issues: (how they are for ME – not all the bad rap they get according to others).

That should be more then enough for one post – I do, after all, need material for the future.

On the topic of Thanksgiving:

Yesterday was my family’s thanksgiving dinner. It used to always be at my Oma’s house but, that has changed over time – as things tend to do. The location, the people involved…ever changing – but the family values – I hope those don’t change too much.

This year was very different. I haven’t been home for a thanksgiving in almost.. six years. That’s a long time, allowing for thinhs to change.

My mom got engaged, my brother stopped in for some food, my Oma and her husband were there, and my mom’s fiancés kids. The son had a baby six months ago. She is so adorable! We were inseparable – much to the chagrin of everyone else.

image

See? Cute!

All in all – was a good day. Lots of food was had by all, I got a crap load of leftovers to make stew from, and got my baby fix 🙂

On the topic of my personal demons:

I have fought many a battle during my twenty-odd years on earth. Most of them with, and within myself. Its very hard to win a battle when you are both the hero and the villian. It becomes very confusing.

I have had issues my entire life. From a very young age, I knew I was different – and struggled to understand how (and why) I was so. Its hard to explain to an adult what’s wrong when you don’t even have the ability to describe it to yourself. A very frustrating phenomenon.
Things didn’t get much better in my head.. at points they became worse. Points so low – I wasn’t sure I would ever survive. But I have! And learned about myself along the way.

The “official” current diagnoses are:
Bipolar I and II – I am lucky enough to get a regular up and down cycle as well as a rapid one.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder – which means I get stressed about everything, and nothing. I don’t have a perticular trigger, and the majoroty of the time I dont know why I am anxious. Plus – I have panic attacks. Randomly. Fun times!
Borderline Personality Disorder – yes. I have a personality disorder. But I am not the demon that most people think a person with a personality disorder should be. I mean – I’m not all roses and sunshine – but I probably won’t try and murder you either.

So – when I review video games, it will be coming from a perspective of someone who battles these issues Every.Single.Day.

I knsow what it’s like to have triggers occur in the middle of a multiplayer match where your team is relying on you. I know how insulting it is to have a video game character portrayed in such a way that it perpetrates stigma. I’ve been in a massive black hole of suck where the only thing that gives you even a glimmer of light, is being a hero- even if only in a game. I know the joys and frustrations of being in a huge manic phase and needing to KILL ALL THE THINGS!.

I get it. From many different angles and viewpoints. Plus? I am female! RAWR!

So yeah… that’s where that is.

I’m freezing – so I’m going to be curling up and killing me some Third Echelon idiots. 🙂

Xxoo

Robyn

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