Thursday : its Halloween! !

So. Thursday is supposed to be interviews.
I was all gung-ho this morning.  I was interested in getting the blog done, and doing a good job.

But first I was going to play Battlefield. Which I did. And it was lovely. 

But then…

I got hit with a giant ball of suck.  A needy, sucky, ball of suck.

I also think I’m low on some sort of vitamins. I’m fine in the morning…then crash around three pm. Then awake a lot at night… I’m thinking too many bananas, plus not enough iron and D3.

Anyways. Here is a thing that was written on Fl. I have permission from the author to reprint.

It struck a certain chord with me.  You know what I mean?? *for you. Because feels*

When you miss someone

When you miss someone, it makes no difference that just last night; you were flesh to flesh, heart to heart, and soul to soul with him.

You wake up the morning after and feel empty because just two days ago, your hands were holding his, your lips locked, and your body intertwined in time and space.

Only three days has passed, but it feels as though an eternity has gone by since he had wrapped you up in his arms, swept your hair back from your face, and told you just how proud he is of his good little girl.

It doesn’t matter that merely four days ago, you felt the whole world fade away until the only thing left was the sound of his beating heart next to yours.

On the fifth morning, you wake up realizing that it is not just his presence you miss, but that you long to hear the sound of his laughter, feel the intimacy of his hand on your body, and catch the lingering smell of him on your bed sheets.

You crave his very essence.

Although it has only been six days since he breathed the air you breathed, the number of days has no bearing on the ache in your chest. You finally feel your heart waking up and the walls tumbling down.

It is beside the point that only seven days ago, you caught him smiling as you head to the corner with a cherry bottom and you felt your little girl heart swell because you made him happy.

It is unimportant that it was eight, and not three or ten days ago, that you felt the jolt in your bones when his smile reached all the way to his twinkling eyes and you know that you were the one who put it there.

It is irrelevant that for the past nine days; you have been calling each other, texting in between, and that he is the first person you talk to in the morning and the last at night.

On the tenth morning, you wake up realizing that when you miss someone, it is how your heart chooses to remind you that you love him…and you wouldn’t trade his love for anything in the world.

So you take a deep breath, smile at the dawning of a new day, and adopt a fresh mindset.

Today, you know that it has been ten days from when you last saw him, and now you know that you are one day closer to seeing him again.

NOTE: This piece was written for my beautiful friend, Michelle, who is currently struggling with her other half being thousands of miles apart from her. She and I had a lovely heart-to-heart yesterday and I crafted up this piece as encouragement for her. While this is not based off of the dynamic that Sir and I have, I hope that many can relate to the emotions she is battling with as they are apart from each other

-BlackOrchid22

Tuesday : life review

Tuesday again!

Zomg you guys. I had. So. Much. Fun.

On the weekend (Saturday to be exact), my best friend, her hubby, and I went to a Halloween dance.

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It was put in by NOGLO. (North Okanagan Gay and Lesbian Organization). It was held at a local hotel. And it was a blast!

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The three of us dressed up as super bugs. A.k.A. the GMO avengers.  We had a lady bug, a ninja bee, and a grasshopper (that was me!)

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I spent hours the three days before, sewing capes, and figuring things out. It didn’t help that we kept changing our minds at the last  minute. o.0

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The night was a total hit.  So many people, so many great costumes,  and a great variety in music.  I think I only sat down for one song. (And me with my broken leg!)

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I felt no judgement.  No  need to be someone I wasn’t – just me and my grasshopper self.

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I may also have a coffee date with Superman.  When I know more.. I might let you know 😛

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I’m deffinetly going to go to more of  their events in the future.

Monday : Game Review

Hello friends!

Monday is killing us all over again.

I’ve been extremely tired yesterday and today. So much so that I’ve been napping on and off.  Which makes me not want to blog.

So…Today I am going to do a memory review.

I’m going to reminisce about one of my favourite memories from playing Call of Duty: Black Ops 2.

Blops2 had just come in the mail. Having not played any multiplayer online FPS – at least not on console – I was resigned to the fact I was going to blow… and get my ass kicked. Repeatedly. 

I had a group of friends that I had met through playing Borderlands 2. They were big Modern Warfare players, and had met my brother on there. I – of course – met them through him.

Fast forward to my second week of playing. I had joined a game.. but was put on the opposite team as my friends.   In fact.. I was the only person on my team that even had chat turned on. The mocking started, and I almost backed out. It was only sheer stubbornness that kept me going.

We were playing the aircraft hanger map.  Hardcore Capture the Flag (before they removed it). Me – a lower level, 2nd prestige,  with nothing unlocked yet. Playing against a group of hard core FPS dudes. Guys who thought they were gods. Unbeatable.  Magical.

I pwned them all! They were so mad at me. Every kill, their screams of rage coming over the mic.

Absolute bliss.  I had the highest kill count on my team. By a long shot. 😀

Needless to say –  they totally got me back the next game. Lol

But that is my favorite BLOPS2 memory.  Being told that I was going to get ganged up on.. and instead killing everyone.

Good times. 🙂

Sunday: FUNDAY!

Alright 🙂

Yesterday was a bit… ranty,

Today  I plan on writing about what I plan to do on my trip 😀

So:

Beginning – Wednesday

Arrive in Ontario. Visit with Dad and Stepmom. Relax. Get Settled.

Thursday – Thursday

Visit with family. Including trying to find time to visit with my mom’s side as well. Also – some days of relaxation. Or something. My dad has a broken leg as well – so there probably won’t be too much galavanting around.

Friday

Bus to Ottawa. Go home with Katt. 😀

Saturday – Monday

Visit with Katt, and possibly a certain Lawsbian who lives in Ottawa. 😀

Tuesday – Wednesday

Bus to Montreal. Spend lots of exploring time.

Wednesday nightish – Bus back to Ottawa and Katt

Thursday – Ottawa with Katt

Friday – Come home.

Should be a total blast!!!!!

Xxoo

Robyn

** I want to hear from you! Let me know what sort of things I should do while I am out travelling!**

Saturday : Mental Illness

Hey everyone!

It’s Saturday, and this post has jumped all over the place, then turned into a rant. I apologize in advance.

I found a blog recently called Robot-Hugs. I instantly fell in love. There are so many issues that are written about/drawn about that resonate with me. A bunch of them are about mental illness, gender issues, lifes questions… so many good topics.

The author – is Canadian. Which rocks. Also : There are actual blog posts, not just comics. Sometimes I wish I could add comics to my posts. (Yes I can draw. Yes – I COULD add comics. No I don’t have any idea how I would go about that – because lazy)

The comic that I first saw was this:

Nest

There are so many ways this post wins the internet. And my undying love and support.

This? Is how I feel on a regular basis. My depression sometimes becomes such that I don’t know why things are sad, or how to deal with them. There are deffinately days where I “nest”. Hell – sometimes I do for weeks. Hiding from the world. Unable to figure out a way to get out of the giant pit of suck. Alone. Lost. Full of dispare.

I always come out though. I refuse to give in to that lying bastard. Depression lies, and I just have to keep reminding myself of that when I am having issues.

The comic also shows something else. A way to help. To show support. Too many times I have people ask why I am feeling the way I am. Telling me to just be happy. That I have nothing to feel upset or depressed about. That once, they felt sad  – and here is everything they did that made it better, so (obviously) if I just do the same thing, I will be better as well.

There are not many people out there in the world who are willing to just support those of us with mental illness. Those who, just need quiet, non judgemental, accepting support. Someone who will help us nest. Who are willing to just quietly sit in the backround, to join our nest, to just… BE there for us. It is a special quality – and I know that for me – when I find someone like that, I hold on to them with both hands.

Yet – I can only count those people on one hand. Which is very upsetting – yet a good example of how many people aren’t willing to be supportive.

Worse – are the people who assume because my illness’ are not visible – they do not exist. Which is the biggest crock of fucking shit I have every had the misfortune of being on the receiving end of. Not all mental illnesses are visible. Not all present physical symptoms that people can point at and be “Look. That person has a mental illness”. That does not make them any less real, debilitating, or life altering. I can pretend with the best of them. Most times anyway.  The days when I cant. are the days when I nest and don’t leave the house. Most people have never seen me at my worst. So I get judged.

Mental Illness can be just as life threatening as cancer. Just as traumatizing and life altering as losing a limb, or being diagnosed with severe diabetes. Which is why we need more people to talk about it. To break the silence and cut down the stigmas. We need more people who help us nest when we need it, and are willing to support us even when they cannot see the problem for themselves.

So – Thank you Robot-Hugs – for a comic that shows the support that I personally, love to recieve.

Xxoo

Robyn